There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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