is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
