why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
