The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
