I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
