I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
