Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
