Michael Bay diarrhea
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
