drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
