apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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