is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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