How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
