Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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