I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
