Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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