Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
