dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
