Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
