Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
