so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
