Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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