You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do herpes really smell.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
