69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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