My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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