Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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