I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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