Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
