whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
