He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
