I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
