So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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