We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
