I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Four minutes until I can fart!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
