My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
