you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
