I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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