wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
