Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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