I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
