just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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