it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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