so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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