I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
