Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
