Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
