Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
