I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
