I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
True strength comes from lack of pants
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
