you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
God, I missed his penis.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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