I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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