smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
