I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
