forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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