We're facebook friends in real life
this just has baby written all over it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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