I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
