i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
