CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
