Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
