I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
