Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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