And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
