Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
