life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize