I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
