so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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