I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
