she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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