your thong is hanging out like whoa
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
