Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
