evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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