Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize