so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
