So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
